While listening to one of my favorite podcasts this week, one listener wrote in about how men go overboard on dating sites to say how they are not interested in obese women but still message them in private. They want the world to believe they are only interested in slim women who take care of themselves but are trying to hook up with full figured women behind the scenes.
One of the hosts commented that some men have the tendency to go out with who their friends find attractive because they are concerned with being the butt of jokes and getting shamed for how their girlfriend looks. It goes without saying that this is beyond immature and no real man would actually do this, but the truth is…there are some that do.
I’ve experienced this as well as other women I know.
Self confession time…I’ve had an ex-boyfriend tell me I hadn’t hung around any of his friends that he was known for dating “dimes.” I appreciated his honesty but needlessly to say that was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I wish I could say that he was the only person I dated that behaved this way but that’s not the case. My very first boyfriend and I worked at the same place and when his mom came into the store he would not even acknowledge me. The first time I saw her we had only been dating for a few months so I gave him a pass thinking that it was a bit too soon to meet the parents. But by the next time she came in, we were more serious and it had almost been a year. Still, not so much as a wave in my direction. As far as I know to this day, this woman never knew I existed. His reasoning: he had an overweight girlfriend before and his mom made rude comments about her so he was just sparing me the hurt. Insert the caption “Do you think I’m stupid?”
Despite their efforts to keep me in the closet, they still expected my total and complete devotion and met both my family and friends. It’s also worth noting that both of these exes are overweight as well.
Hellooooo double standard. You know which one I’m talking about. The double standard that manifests itself in our society in more ways than one. It’s not uncommon to see a beautiful girl on the arm of a not so attractive guy but how often do you see the reverse?
Yes males are visual creatures and females tend to be more about personality, but why should full figured women be reduced to relationships that mostly exist within the walls of their home?
Is what your friends think that important?
Also what do your friend’s girlfriends look like? Sure enough they aren’t all a size 6 and look like they should be on the front of a magazine cover. What’s more disappointing is this belief that being obese automatically means that women should be grateful to anyone that shows interest.
I’ve learned a valuable lesson from being someone’s secret. If you can’t parade me in front of your friends, then don’t even bother. This obsession with weight and appearance among men is ridiculous. If you are attracted enough to me to be in a relationship with me, then it shouldn’t matter what others think. Both of these relationships ended and of course after the fact they both said that it was a dumb thing to do and apologized, but for a long time the damage was done. I started to feel guilty when I met someone and wasn’t interested believing that I needed to settle because only a small population of men would find me attractive. (Give me a break on this one. I was in my early 20’s)
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that it wasn’t my weight that was making me feel unattractive but overall insecurity. Confidence is sexy and regardless of what dumb ass is concerned about what his friends are saying on the sidelines, it’s important for all women to always walk in our truth and know our worth.
All women deserve to be treated equally in relationships. Yes we live in a terribly vain society where women with store bought bodies cover magazines and are on display all over television. Women are constantly body shamed for not looking perfect but then get slammed for photoshopping pictures. Nothing will ever fully please anyone and that’s more of the reason why we shouldn’t even true.
It boils down to this. Any man who is still concerned with what his friends or people will say is not someone ready for a serious relationship.