Are men ashamed of publicly dating full figured women?

While listening to one of my favorite podcasts this week, one listener wrote in about how men go overboard on dating sites to say how they are not interested in obese women but still message them in private. They want the world to believe they are only interested in slim women who take care of themselves but are trying to hook up with full figured women behind the scenes.

One of the hosts commented that some men have the tendency to go out with who their friends find attractive because they are concerned with being the butt of jokes and getting shamed for how their girlfriend looks. It goes without saying that this is beyond immature and no real man would actually do this, but the truth is…there are some that do.

I’ve experienced this as well as other women I know.

Self confession time…I’ve had an ex-boyfriend tell me I hadn’t hung around any of his friends that he was known for dating “dimes.” I appreciated his honesty but needlessly to say that was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I wish I could say that he was the only person I dated that behaved this way but that’s not the case. My very first boyfriend and I worked at the same place and when his mom came into the store he would not even acknowledge me. The first time I saw her we had only been dating for a few months so I gave him a pass thinking that it was a bit too soon to meet the parents. But by the next time she came in, we were more serious and it had almost been a year. Still, not so much as a wave in my direction. As far as I know to this day, this woman never knew I existed. His reasoning: he had an overweight girlfriend before and his mom made rude comments about her so he was just sparing me the hurt. Insert the caption “Do you think I’m stupid?”

Despite their efforts to keep me in the closet, they still expected my total and complete devotion and met both my family and friends. It’s also worth noting that both of these exes are overweight as well.

Hellooooo double standard. You know which one I’m talking about. The double standard that manifests itself in our society in more ways than one. It’s not uncommon to see a beautiful girl on the arm of a not so attractive guy but how often do you see the reverse?

Yes males are visual creatures and females tend to be more about personality, but why should full figured women be reduced to relationships that mostly exist within the walls of their home?

Is what your friends think that important?

Also what do your friend’s girlfriends look like? Sure enough they aren’t all a size 6 and look like they should be on the front of a magazine cover. What’s more disappointing is this belief that being obese automatically means that women should be grateful to anyone that shows interest.

I’ve learned a valuable lesson from being someone’s secret. If you can’t parade me in front of your friends, then don’t even bother. This obsession with weight and appearance among men is ridiculous. If you are attracted enough to me to be in a relationship with me, then it shouldn’t matter what others think. Both of these relationships ended and of course after the fact they both said that it was a dumb thing to do and apologized, but for a long time the damage was done. I started to feel guilty when I met someone and wasn’t interested believing that I needed to settle because only a small population of men would find me attractive. (Give me a break on this one. I was in my early 20’s)

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that it wasn’t my weight that was making me feel unattractive but overall insecurity. Confidence is sexy and regardless of what dumb ass is concerned about what his friends are saying on the sidelines, it’s important for all women to always walk in our truth and know our worth.

All women deserve to be treated equally in relationships. Yes we live in a terribly vain society where women with store bought bodies cover magazines and are on display all over television. Women are constantly body shamed for not looking perfect but then get slammed for photoshopping pictures. Nothing will ever fully please anyone and that’s more of the reason why we shouldn’t even true.

It boils down to this. Any man who is still concerned with what his friends or people will say is not someone ready for a serious relationship.


6 thoughts on “Are men ashamed of publicly dating full figured women?

  1. percolatingpoetry says:

    Not all men. In fact, some of us prefer full figured. It’s sad that so many are caught up in what social media deems to be physically acceptable in this world. Kudos to all women who are beautiful, no matter what shape and size they are.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. olivera77 says:

    Actually it all boils down to how self confident you are. If you know your qualities, you will get what you want in a relationship no matter your size. The energy you produce is what attracts the right person. If you have negative energy, a feeling of unworthiness, that is how you will be seen in the eyes of others. I speak from my own experience. It took some time to get the right attitude, but I made it work for me. If you let every little thing, every man that has a complex, get to you, make you feel less worthy, that means you have no self confidence. Everyone eventually finds the right person, the one they are meant to be with. All you have to remember it that you are unique, that is your quality.


  3. Unleashing the Cougar says:

    Thanks for sharing. This is a really interesting perspective. I have recently written a piece about men over 39 and how they treat women of their own era as desperate or needy or just plain undesirable. The data on what men want when looking for a mate online is a depressing read, but there are also good stories hiding both in the data and in real life. If you’re interested in reading more check out and particularly the section Are Our Bodies Ever Good Enough?


  4. Barbara Brazen says:

    The other day I read an article that said women should wear their stretch marks like tiger stripes. I have stretch marks and love the idea behind it. According to society’s standards, no one out there is a dime-piece. For someone to hide their significant other because of their size is absurd and hopefully the significant other can see this early on so they can move on to better quickly.

    Liked by 1 person

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